Self-knowledge is a very hard thing to come by. Yet it is only with adequate self-knowledge that one can really give of oneself as a spouse and allow the marriage relationship to be dynamic and growing. Spouses are committing to a "community of the whole of life." Marriage simply cannot be without real intimacy. Intimacy does not refer to a conjoining of bodies. Intimacy means willingness to know oneself, to accept and love oneself, then in turn to be willing to let another know one as one is, and to accept and love the other as he or she is, and, finally, willingness to seek the personal and interpersonal growth that becomes an obvious goal as personal shortcomings are revealed. Many factors may block this ideal state of intimacy, and much of the time, the assistance of a psychological counselor is necessary.
If I were getting married, I would want to be certain that my intended spouse loved me enough to be willing to seek help with me if the need were to become clear. Seeking help is not a sign of failure or weakness. It is, in fact, the act of strong, loving people who approach life fearlessly. Spouses-to-be should make it an expectation of each other that they will unhesitatingly seek such help as needed. If one is unwilling to commit to such an expectation, the question "Why not?" is entirely fair.
I recommend the following persons who are skilled in helping couples grow:
Pending consent of those to be listed